GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
