We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize