Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
