I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
