last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Randomize
