i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
