do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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