i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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