Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
