just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
