Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize