I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
