What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
