His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
