I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
