Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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