Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
