I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
