I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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