omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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