No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I wish you could order shots online.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
