Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
