Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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