Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
