can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
