I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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