Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Pants are for mortals
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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