he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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