I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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