You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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