am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
My hand turned me down
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
