It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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