apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
