No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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