That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize