The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
