Sponge bath it is.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize