I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i came on her dog
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
