he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
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