Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
