i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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