I will die if light touches me.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just had sex on a roof
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
