can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
