Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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