He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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