Only a mothe r could love this liver
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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