can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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