the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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