worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize