We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
