I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
