my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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