she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I think I just sharted jello shots
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
