he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
