I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
