Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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