OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
