Your tits are I can't wait for
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
