My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
