dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize