I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
